Epigraph:
The banker is the one who will lend you money if you prove that you don't need it (Herbert Procknow, financier).
1) The Great Flood. Many people think that the Great Flood is a story about a punishment for people's sins… That's the official version. Actually the Great Flood is the first story about the genius of marketing and the marketing laws. When demand is high (that is during a flood, ships are in high demand), everything is popular and marketable as it meets the needs of the market. It's not that Noah's Ark wasn't very good, but it would have hardly got such a staggering fame if supply hadn't been so limited.
2) Now let's consider the notion of “brand”. PR-managers say that you should look for the niche, where there is nobody except you (that is the way Noah became famous). He was the first to get the information about the coming flood. He was the only one to have an opportunity to build the ship. Yes, Noah is a brand.
3) “No dead herring will let itself be wrapped in this newspaper,” an owner of yellow newspaper said about his newspaper. That is why it is so sad to pay PR-agencies for putting ads in this very newspaper. But c'est la vie. Financial Times front page is not enough for all capitalists in the world.
4) That is why there is one way out used by large companies - to establish their own PR-department or own newspaper. This is the way corporate editions appear, never read by anyone, even their chief editors. Other papers not read by anyone are those of departmental prefects or “lost and found” papers.
5) But even having your own PR-department, you won't achieve success without an advertising agency.
6) Albert Einstein once said, “When I was young, I found out that the big toe always ends up making a hole in the sock. So I stopped wearing socks”.
7) After all, sellers say the right thing: "The only thing that still embarrasses trade is the buyer”.
8) So, you know, the task of advertising was to convince Einstein that this very company produces these very socks that cannot be ever torn by the big toe.
9) Germans live for working while other nations work for living (Herbert Procknow, financier).
10) The banker is the one who will lend you money if you prove that you don't need it (Herbert Procknow, financier).
11) Recalling youth is like visiting a grave of a friend whom we had insulted and have no opportunity to right a wrong (John Winston Foster). That is why all capitalists like speaking generally of the brilliant past of their companies and never recall it in detail.
12) Answering the question which came first - a chicken or an egg is like a solution to an eternal question - which came first, a product or a buyer?
13) Cinderella is the first fairy tale teaching us that labor without magic is never rewarded. Where would Cinderella be if there were no fairies? And as magic occurs seldom, labor is low-paid.
14) Then there was a great migration of capitalists from England to the USA, from the USA to Australia, from Russia, the USA and England to offshore zones. And from five-star hotels to five-star super plus.
15) So as fairies in the world are rare, there are bourgeois revolutions and civil wars. And the Soviet Union became a stronghold of everything.
16) Let's take a sad fairy tale about Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. That is about seven full day laborers, of course.
17) All general directors praise their employees for competition for all positions in the company except one - the position of the general director.
18) All general directors are happy in the same way and all employees suffer in a different way.
19) In each company each employee is always sure that he was so unlucky to get into this very company where he is mostly underappreciated. And this is the very company where this very boss is the one who sets the lowest wages in the world.
20) An employer under 30 is sure that he works with the most patient staff and has the most contentious boss.
21) When he is over 50 everything changes and he is sure that he works with the most contentious staff and has the most patient boss.
22) The general director of a company is a person who never does anything (he does little and seldom) instinctively catching the branch of production where it is mostly needed.
23) And generally in any company there is a place for only one non-working person - its general director. Competition here is intolerable.
24) The banker will give you an umbrella when it is dry and will take it back when it rains. (English wisdom)
25) Capitalists can be of two types - long-sighted and short-sighted. Long-sighted ones start giving money to people on different grounds (taxes, charity, laws) earlier than popular uprisings take it.
26) Indeed, Bill Gates is a fine fellow. For years he has been one of the wealthiest people in the world (his fortune is about 55 bln). And unlike many other billionaires, he is not afraid to talk about his wealth openly.
27) Yes, after consideration, Noah with his Ark was not so bad. During a deficit of course. Actually he wasn't. He didn't make his passengers leave the boat during the storm, knowing that nobody had paid for the ticket.
28) Actually capitalism would not exist. Without Noah, of course.
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